Bingo Alley Brawl the Illustrated Edition is available for free from me at any show I’m doing this summer or if you’d like it and are too far away I’m happy to mail you a copy.
The story, minus the illustrations is free below, I hope you enjoy.
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Ethel checked her calendar. It was indeed Wednesday. Bingo Night! Ethel shuffled to the kitchen counter, her tea kettle whistling, aggravating her hearing aid. Her tea brewed, her dentures soaked. 5:30 AM. A long day till Bingo. Ethel was going to need a few naps to get there.
Rosanna cheated again. Ethel finally had enough. She braced herself on Joe’s arm to stand up. She turned, grabbing her walker, and moved across the hall to the smiling Rosanna. Rosanna gleamed as she turned to Ethel.
“Look dear! BINGO.”
Ethel smiled, then used all her strength to lift her walker about waist level, and slammed it down onto Rosanna’s foot. Rosanna let out a howl, a scream of pain that awoke the slumbering Genève sisters in the back row.
“You cheating hag!” Ethel sneered and then all hell broke loose.
Arthur, a war veteran stood up, threw his hat in the air and yelled, “To Arms Men!” A group of men slowly creaked up and surrounded him. One had his fists up, swirling them in the air like an old movie boxer, till he pulled something. He gasped, grabbed his back and found a chair to fall into. One man pushed another and as he awkwardly fell, he bumped into Louise, sweet old Louise, whose glasses went flying. Blinded, she shambled aimlessly into the aisle where a curious Mr. Buggles, Lady Winter’s Dacshund, barked at the resulting chaos. The dog let out a yelp as Louise stepped on its tail and turned and bit her ankle in protest.
The poor paid-by-the-hour bingo attendant pleaded over the microphone,
“Ladies and Gentlemen. Please calm down. We can resume the game momentarily.” He wished he wasn’t the only employee on staff, but besides the required EMT in the parking lot, he was alone. The EMT! He rushed past the players to find help outside.
Rosanna had recovered enough to stand up and get in Ethel’s face, waving her bingo marker wildly.
“How dare you!”
In response Ethel snorted and slammed her walker into Rosanna’s other foot, who proceeded to fall back in agony once again. Ethel, satisfied, turned and for the first time saw the chaos she had caused.
“Oh, my.”
Across the bingo parlor was a scene of comical destruction. Her friend Joe was trying help up Marie who had fallen. Louise was still battling Mr. Buggles as Lady Winter yelled at the poor dog. Arthur and his followers had given up their battle cry and now slumped against the far back wall, exhausted. Georgette, seemingly oblivious to it all, was still cross-stitching away, a nice floral design in progress.
Ethel started towards the exit with her walker, a slow methodical pace to her escape. The bingo attendant rushed in towards her, the EMT right behind.
“I’m done for,” Ethel thought, “busted.” They’d surely lock her up, put her in the home, away from her precious collection of designer napkins. Oh how she dreaded the thought. She gritted her teeth as the EMT neared her.
“You ok ma’am?” he asked. Surprised, Ethel just nodded, as the EMT ran off to the next senior citizen he could find. Ethel looked around again, and resumed her march to the door. A smile crept on her wrinkled face as she left the building into her freedom.
“She had it coming. The cheater!” Ethel decided it was best if she never went to that bingo hall again. She was, after all, the instigator of the great Bingo Alley Brawl.
